Tom, Dick and Harry Discuss: A Piece of Bad News

Tom: Hey happy new year Dick..

Dick: Yo whassup! Happy new year dude.

Tom: Yah.

Dick: Hey you looking funny again. The same stupid smile is back on your face.

Tom: Yeah..

Dick: How was your reunion dinner?

Tom: I went to a restaurant to eat.. and the food was... good...

Dick: Mine also lah. Big deal..

Tom: Then I saw this hot babe man. Too bad I only saw her when she was leaving the place. She looks like Shu Qi!

Dick: Whoa... you seem to be spotting hot babes everywhere you go. But what about XXX man??

Tom: Aiyah. I don't even know if she celebrates Chinese New Year. She's probably at Mustafa with her boyfriend or something.

Dick: Hey there's Harry over there!

Dick: Yo Harry. Whassup!

Harry: (in silence, clutching a newspaper folded in half) ...

Tom: Harry, are you okay?

Harry: The Lunar Year is barely upon us, but the first pieces of bad tidings hath come.

Tom: Oh dear, is there another tsunami???

Dick: Oh shit, did Glazer just buy over my Man Utd???

Harry: Let me read this tragedy out to you guys..

Harry: (reading from the newspaper) (Darren: some portions below are in bold because Harry took pains to emphasize those specific lines by reading them louder than usual- he was practically shouting them out)

Martina Hingis, the former top player on the women's tennis circuit, says she is enjoying life outside the tough world of professional sport and focusing on her private life -- which includes England soccer star Sol Campbell.

Hingis, who played her first competitive match since 2002 last week in Pattaya, Thailand, said in an interview published Tuesday with the weekly magazine Schweizer Illustrierte that she has no plans to return full-time to the tour, but will continue to play in exhibition matches and charity events.

"I have a very good life and enjoyed all the freedom over the last two years," the 24 year-old Swiss said, according to the magazine. "I am no longer 16 or 17, and I am no longer prepared to concentrate solely on world class sport."

"What was good enough two years ago, doesn't do it anymore. Now, my size puts me at a disadvantage," she said.

Tom: What a waste... She was one of my favourite tennis players too. Intelligent movement, excellent groundstrokes, a joy to watch.

Dick: What a waste... She was one of the hottest babes in tennis last time. But now there's Sharapova..

Harry: (Continues reading excitedly) Quizzed over her rumored relationship with Campbell, 30, Hingis said she enjoys the company of the England and Arsenal central defender. But, pressed by the magazine on whether Campbell is her "new love," she said: "That's too strong a word."

"I like Sol a lot and we see each other whenever possible, but he has many matches and I have my appointments as well," she said. "It is not easy for us both."

Hingis and Campbell reportedly first met at a gala gathering hosted by the United Nations in London in December. Both are goodwill ambassadors for the world body.

Hingis reportedly broke up that month with Stefan Egger, a Swiss sports entrepreneur and restaurant owner.

Other previous boyfriends have included Spanish golfer Sergio Garcia and Florida Assistant State Attorney Christopher Calkin, who in 2001 successfully prosecuted a man who had stalked Hingis at her homes and at tournaments around the world.

Hingis was 22 when she retired in 2002 after operations on both ankles. The five-time Grand Slam singles champion was the youngest player to reach No. 1 at the age of 16 years and six months. She won a combined 76 singles and doubles titles during her career.

Dick: Sol Campbell sucks lah. Arsenal sucks.

Tom: No wonder he is not playing well recently..

Harry: (dreamily) He is a lucky guy.. But don't worry guys I will get over this. I am not some wimp who wallows in self-pity just because I can't get what I want.

Dick: Relax lah. Big deal anyway. She's not that great.

Tom: Yeah... hey! Harry.

Harry: Yeah?

Tom: Do you still want your newspaper? I saw a photo of Fiona in the Citigems ad. I wanna keep it... can?