Wimbledon

Today was a rest day in the Wimbledon tournament, so this gave me a chance to hang out with my hit squad of Wimbledon dudes and babes.

First, I met up with the dudes.



I told Roger Federer that he was doing very well, to keep it up. I especially like the way he screams "AAARRRR!!!" whenever he makes a mistake. Full of ba qi. It is something like how a true champion expects the very best from himself and is angry whenever he slips from his high standards. I like his backhand too because when he hits one he looks like a one-armed swordsman.



I told Andy Roddick that I really like the way he serves. Very very powerful (officially the most powerful) and sexy serve. I also like his no-nonsense approach to the game- he is one who does not dilly-dally.



Rafael Nadal is already out of the competition. But he decided to stay on to support his pals. This boy is only 19 but is a future rival for Federer already. He looked invincible during the French Open- his time will come for Wimbledon eventually. I told him I loved his competitiveness (everytime he wins he does a very agressive clenched fist/fist pump act and he grunts very loudly everytime he hits the ball) and he gave me a smile.



Lastly I met up with Daniele Bracialli. This guy hails from Italy and you probably have never heard of him before because he is ranked 120th in the world currently. So why is he in the hit squad? It's because he performed superbly against Andy Roddick. He hits all sorts of balls with so much style and verve- lobs, forehands, backhands, smashes, service- it's terribly refreshing. I told him he looked a bit like Robbie Williams and David Thompson and he grinned at me. But he seemed rather unhappy when I asked him why he had a girl's name for his first name. I quickly said my goodbyes and headed off to meet the (hot) babes.



Hot babe! Those were the first words I gasped when I met sweet Maria. She said she was very flattered. Nobody believes me when I tell them I never really liked Maria much because I think she grunts too much, but slowly I am realising that she is really quite cute.



They say Maria, you've got to see her, but to me Elena Dementieva is the tennis babe du jour. I told Elena just that and she squealed and gave me a hug. It will be a long time before I bathe again. After that I got a bit bolder and whispered to her ear "I wish you could play slightly better so that you can get to the final more often and I can see you in action more!" and after that she wasn't really as friendly with me anymore.



I am depressed because one member of my hit squad, Anastasia Myskina, will be squaring off with sweet goddess Elena in the next round. I told Anastasia the match would be too tense for me to watch because it would break my heart to see either her or Elena out of the competition and her eyes glistened at my words. Anastasia is an exotic beauty from exotic lands. Sometimes I think she looks like a female version of Milan Baros (who is girly-looking enough already) but I would never tell her such a thing, of course. I know folly when I see it.



Kim Clijsters is one of my favourite tennis players because she is so mentally tough and fights for every ball. At first glance she might not seem the most attractive but her eyes mesmerise me. That day I saw a girl with the same eyes, but that is another story for another day. Also, Kim has a heart of gold and is one of the friendliest girls around. I feel sorry she split up with Lleyton Hewitt and I asked her if she would consider me and her eyes gleamed and she just patted me on the shoulder. She is up against world number one Lindsay Davenport in the next round. I will definitely be in the stands screaming myself silly for Kimmy.



Patty Schnyder is a cute babe with big hair. I just think she looks very cute. Cute right? She did not seem very impressed with me because I could only utter unintelligible babble in front of her. She crashed out in the first round before I could even get to see her, so the words I said to Elena would apply to Patty as well. She is staying behind to support her compatriot Roger. I asked her, after regaining my composure, if I could sit next to her during Roger's next match. She blushed and said she would get back to me on that. I am waiting for her reply as I type this.

It turns out that Patty was also an avid football fan. Avid football fans can be recognised easily, especially when they set Soccernet as the home page for their Internet browser. Patty told me Arsenal was going to buy Robinho and I almost choked on my fish and chips. (Patty is a Spurs fan because her countryman Christian Gross once managed the club.)

Reluctantly I had to say goodbye to my hit squad and return to my hotel room. Tomorrow the action begins again.

Note: Selection for darren's Wimbledon hit squad was an extremely rigorous and stringent affair and darren most reluctantly had to omit a number of names in order to meet the numerical limits imposed.