the last bet

the stakes are high. i clutched my last piece of gold closely to my heart. she's there...on the flimsy-looking platform. i only have 1 shot at it. the game is simple. the pimp on the stage will play a simple game of 'big' or 'small' with whoever wants her. winner gets her.....loser lose his gold....and for me, i will lose her. such simplicity of the game insults my deep passion for her but i
will have to abide with the rule if i want her. and believe me, i want her bad. The fact that the whole game will be decided by luck, or if u like to call it, fate, makes me uneasy. it's not a matter of strength or intelligence. it's governed by this strange fickle force who will forsake me when i least expect it.

mr anderson was beside me. he helped me raise money for this one chance. we gave up a lot...and we were about to be thrown into the deep end of the whirlpool of fate.

he said, "may the force be with u"

i ignored him. i was too busy thinking. shld i go for it first? what if i lose? i've seen the first few plays....those who went up to try their chance first always lose. what if i don't go up first and some1 else wins her? i will never be able to forgive myself. i looked to mr anderson. he seemed to understand my dilemma and so he had stoped mumbling 'may the force be with u' already. and i am thankful.

i needed to make up my mind. she's the next. she's like no other girls who seat on the platform. she is calm and composed, almost stoic to the fact that she is being sold. her strength is what attracts me to her..but i hope it will put other pple off.

"and now, the young and pretty 'jade swallow'. Bird's nest not included but it comes with more than a handful of attitude. now who wants to go first."

damn...i haven't made up my mind. fuck it. i couldn't think anymore......still undecided, i followed the crowd and raised my hand. they were quite slow, but i was slower. at least 5 hands were faster than me. now it seems that i was doomed to lose her. all of a sudden, it struck me like a hammer that it makes good sense to aim to be the first now. it wouldn't be difficult. the rest of them doesn't seem too interested.

Amid the noise, i wished she would look at me. but i wouldn't have known how to look back at her. she would mock me for being a coward. she would. she would and i would have nothing to answer to that.

"now, sir, u raised ur hand first. would u like to guess 'big' or 'small'?

the fat guy pondered for a moment. a moment so short it won't even be enough for me to raise my hand....

he said, "small...since she is so petite. hahahaaha"

many pple laughed....i didn't. i wanted to guess small too...it's was so-not-funny to me. i felt as though time froze and the mass of the world is cramped within my skull.

the pimp, now looking more evil than b4 acknowledged his bet. he rolled.....i closed my eyes.

"1, 2, 3, SMALL!! congrats sir, u won urself a concubine!! haha"

everyone in the whorehouse went crazy for him. i slowly released my grip on that precious piece of gold and let it fall to the ground. i dun need it anymore. i looked on as she was carried away by the fat guy...she still looked composed but i saw i felt her tear. perhaps it was my tears. my vision was slowly blurred by tears. i could only see her outline...i couldn't see her face. i couldn't see if she was looking at me.

mr anderson patted on my shoulder, "take it easy, pal"

"and now we have the cute and gentle 'little dolphin' " the most evil-looking pimp in the world announced.

with steps as heavy as my heart, i walked out of the whorehouse.

i know....i've lost more than my gold and her.