I bravely, happily run the risk of copyright infringement by copying this blog entry wholesale from another person's blog. Disclaimer: The views expressed here are not my own and they are in no way endorsed, encouraged nor purported by me.
Both Sides, Now
I can never understand why people think it is an absolute necessity to get attached. People feel something is wrong with them if they aren't attached to someone. I just tell them the right person hasn't come along yet. What else do you expect me to say? Like, yeah, something must be terribly wrong with you but I don't really know what. Because that is not true among my friends. But I don't know how to address that kind of insecurity because I don't understand it. What is wrong with being single? Doesn't the term 'happily single' mean anything to anyone?
My mum is of the opinion that women who are not married must have very disagreeable and uncompromising personalities, and if they remain spinsters for the rest of their lives they will end up with very weird personalities.
I beg to differ. Honestly, many disagreeable and difficult people I encountered are also married. I don't think your marriage status determines the way you are. In fact, I think it is the way you are that will determine your marriage status. People really should get the distinction right.
I'm a firm believer that if you really want something, you will get it somehow or the other. So if you want to get attached, you will probably actively seek out possibilities, isn't it? If you aren't doing anything about it but waiting for the right person to come along, I think that's plain stupid. I don't know what makes you think that life is so good to you that everything will fall into your lap. So cease your whining about being unattached and do something about it. If something is really wrong, it is that passivity. That's all.
There are very few things that I know I definitely want. There are many things I don't know I will want. There are also things that I know I don't want. Frankly, being attached is one of the lowest priorities in my life. It seems to be the highest in everyone else's life except me. So be it. I am what I am and I can't change.
I don't like people in general. Honest. There aren't a lot of people that I like enough and I can't be bothered with them. I'm already happy with the people I'm happy with and I'm contented. I've made enough friends in school and community service and that's quite enough. I don't need to care about others beyond this ambit. I know what keeps me happy and it is these people. I know what makes me unhappy and it is socialising with people I don't want to talk to. It has taken me years to be very firm with what I want and to tell myself that I deserve to be happy. The last thing I will ever do is to compromise and be attached to somebody when I don't want to.
A lot of people are genuinely tired. Tired of going through the dating process, only to be very disillusioned in the end. It gets nowhere and it's a bloody waste of time. From another perspective I think the process trains a person to be very perceptive about people which is an extremely useful skill. And it also helps you to find out what you like if you haven't discovered that yourself. So you can easily size up a person and eliminate the useless ones. Discard, discard and discard. And be better and happier for that.
I don't know how else I can explain why I never see the need to be attached. As you can see it's a long answer. I have to go into why I don't like people, and how what people call love these days is just a matter of semantics. Like Joni Mitchell's Both Sides, Now.
I guess it is a part of my personality that I never wanted to be close and connected with people. And the few people I genuinely care for are very special to me. Because they are such brilliant and wonderful people and I'm so glad to have them in my life.
I have to admit that being single can be lonely. Then again, those who are attached can be terribly lonely too. Those periods when you have doubts and fears and that is absolutely no one to confide in. Because your significant other cannot, and probably will not, understand. Because there is no one else who will understand. That someone who will just accept you unconditionally just does not seem to exist. So you trudge along all alone and hope everything turns out fine. But there is always this sense of bitterness because you don't understand why you have to go through it, and go through them all alone. Maybe there is something or someone who can make you feel better, but the relief they provide is probably temporary. In the end you just have to struggle alone. There is no one else who can try to make it right except yourself. Whatever moral support you can get don't solve the problems, do they? That is why I say being alive and staying alive is very lonely. Most people are lonely whether they know it or not. Even if you are happily married with kids the size of a soccer team there are always things you cannot confide with someone else for fear it will drive them away. How many of us will eventually find a soul mate, even if such a person exist?
I admit that I'm bitter, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Get it clear that I'm bitter about what life seems to be for me. I'm not bitter about singlehood.
I can truthfully and honestly say that I don't feel left out or jealous when I see happy couples together and such. It just doesn't bother me. They are they, and I am what I am. What I need is very different from what most people seem to want. I don't want close and personal relationships, I don't want that much money as long as I have enough, I don't want status or prestige. I just want to be happy in my own way. I define myself, not others. I just do and act enough to keep others happy, hope they don't pry too much, and hope they leave me alone so I can fly under the radar and do whatever I want to keep myself happy. As long as I'm happy and contented, why should I care about what others have that I don't have?
